we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
