god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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