dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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