My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
