someone get that fucking seahorse.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize