let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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