He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
