what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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