addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My balls are so social today.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize