saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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