Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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