the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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