She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
