I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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