I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
