Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What a dumb baby whore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
