he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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