Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
