well I can't set my house on fire every night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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