So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
