You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize