im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
