she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
