Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
