New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
