that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
