Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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