wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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