Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize