im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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