even my farts smell like vagina
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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