The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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