some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
