maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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