Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
