woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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