I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
