fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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