I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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