Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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