I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
