i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
