just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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