yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
