I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
