If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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