It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
