i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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