1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
