So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
