even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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