apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
