My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this just has baby written all over it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
