Whod you bang
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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