Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
