It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
