I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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