Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My vagina is officially offended.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
