I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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