my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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