My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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