i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
