From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
