Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize