They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
