The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
